Navigating the Holidays with Empathy and Self-Compassion + How to Avoid Toxic Positivity
Navigating the Holidays
The holiday season can be a time for celebration, gratitude, family, and community. However, it's not always easy to feel grateful and happy, especially if you're dealing with grief, loss and the state of our world.
Toxic positivity, the idea that we should always look on the bright side and avoid negative emotions, can make the holiday season and family gatherings even more challenging for many of us. If you are dealing with stress, anxiety, fighting your own personal demons, or just feeling the weight of the world right now, I want to invite you to approach this holiday season with empathy and compassion, for yourself and in support of loved ones you know who are really struggling right now.
In this article, we'll discuss some practical ways to avoid toxic positivity, and embrace authenticity as you navigate the holidays, so you can honor your experience and still enjoy the holiday season.
What is Toxic Positivity?
Toxic positivity is when you only let yourself focus on or share positive, high-vibe emotions like joy, gratitude and happiness, at the expense of your other feelings like fear, anger or hopelessness. It looks like hiding your own feelings, or disregarding the emotions of others with an unrealistic expectation that you will always be able to find something to be grateful for. The truth is, being human is hard, and some days are filled with grief, sorrow, or unrelenting anxiety. It's important to remember that feelings are like waves, they come and they go, always shifting and changing. If you don't allow yourself to feel all your feelings, the good and the bad, you risk burying your unwelcome emotions, only for them to resurface with a vengeance later in life.
How to Support Family and Friends this Holiday Season
If you are personally feeling super grateful this year and wondering how to connect with loved ones who are struggling, let's talk about it. Instead of expecting everyone else to be able to access feelings of gratitude, show up with curiosity. So, instead of asking 'What are you grateful for?' you can ask 'Are you feeling grateful for anything right now?' This subtle shift in language honors the unique experience your loved one is having and doesn't make the assumption that they should be grateful. Sometimes life is hard. Making a gentle inquiry about how someone is doing is a great way to support someone who is struggling right now.
How to Avoid Toxic Positivity During the Holidays
One practical way to avoid toxic positivity during the holidays is by practicing active listening. Instead of rushing to fix someone's problems, or make them feel something else (like happy instead of sad), practice listening without judgment or interrupting. Acknowledge their feelings, and show empathy by saying things like "that sounds hard" or "I'm sorry you're going through that, I'm here for you." Avoid offering unsolicited advice or minimizing their struggles by saying things like "at least you have a job (house, friends, etc)" or "why don't you focus on what you're grateful for." Remember that everyone's experiences are valid, and it's okay to feel different emotions at the same time.
Navigate the Holidays with Presence
This holiday season, see if you can shift your mindset from "trying to be grateful" to "being present" with what is. If you are overwhelmed with grief, sadness, anger, or feeling triggered being around your family, take some space. Sometimes taking a quick walk around the block, an extra-long trip to the bathroom, or simply excusing yourself to be alone for a few minutes is enough to help you re-regulate your nervous system and stay grounded.
Self-Care for the Holidays
Don't forget to practice extra self-care during the holidays! Self-care looks different for everyone, but some ideas include starting or getting back into therapy, taking a relaxing bath, reading a book, stream of consciousness journaling, or meditating. Take extra time to keep your nervous system regulated, prioritize rest, and slow down when things start to feel chaotic.
And a gentle reminder that it's okay to set boundaries and say no to things that don't feel good for you! You do not have to go to every party you're invited to, host an event, or honor traditions that you have outgrown or no longer value. This holiday season can be a time to get to know yourself on a deeper level, and lean into self-care and self-development.
Practices for Navigating the Holidays + Avoiding Toxic Positivity
Sending you ease and gentleness as you navigate this holiday season. Here's an overview of some of the practices can use to navigate this holiday season:
Practice Self-Compassion: The holiday season can be especially difficult for those who have experienced loss or are going through a tough time. It's important to remember to show yourself, and loved ones, kindness and compassion during this time. Acknowledge your feelings and allow yourself to experience them without judgement.
Be Authentic: Instead of trying to always appear happy and grateful, allow yourself to be authentic. Be honest with yourself and others about how you're feeling. This can help alleviate the pressure to constantly put on a happy facade.
Connect with Others: The holiday season is often focused on spending time with loved ones, but it's important to also connect with people who understand and support you. Reach out to friends or find a great therapist who can support you.
Set Boundaries: It's okay to say no to events or gatherings that may be overwhelming or triggering for you. Set boundaries and prioritize your mental health during this time.
Practice Mindfulness: When feeling overwhelmed, take a moment to pause and take care of yourself. Stress and overwhelm will increase unless we interrupt it and practice self-care in the present moment. Practicing mindfulness can help you stay grounded and connected to your body.
Avoid Toxic Positivity: Remember that it's okay to feel a range of emotions, including the not-so-pleasant ones. Avoid toxic positivity by not dismissing or minimizing your feelings or the feelings of others. Practice allowing yourself to notice, name, and experience your emotions without judgment.
Therapy Can Help You Navigate the Holidays
Navigating the holidays with empathy and compassion, for yourself and others, is an invitation to be present, listen with curiosity, and practice self-care. The holidays can bring to the surface old wounds, outdated childhood programming, and an awareness of our growing edges. A gentle reminder that we don't heal alone, but heal in connection and relationship. Therapy offers a safe space to process lingering wounds, improve communication, and support you on your healing journey.
If you're looking for a therapist, I’d love to support you!
Me and my team provide integrative psychotherapy that honors the mind, body, and spirit connection.
We see therapy clients in-person from our offices in El Dorado Hills, CA, and also offer holistic therapy online to anyone in California.
Book a no-cost consultation call below to learn more!
Wishing you a peaceful holiday season filled with self-care, connection, and authenticity.
Meet The Author
Kim Burris is a licensed psychotherapist, founder of The Holistic Counseling Center, and author of ‘The First 90 Days After Birth.’ As a holistic spiritual therapist, she offers evidence-based treatment with a heart-centered approach that honors the mind, body, and spirit connection.
She specializes in helping people transform their struggles with anxiety and self-sabotage into a life lived with more love, more joy, and less suffering.
